Save the drama for your mama...

I'm grateful to live in this day and age.  Not only do we get indoor plumbing and high-speed internet, but nowadays, people are aware of and try to accommodate disabilities.  The ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) certainly helps in this respect, both legally and socially.  People are just better equipped to deal with disabilities anymore, and that's a very good thing.

What this means, however, is when I run smack up against an unreasonable restriction for my Gee, I'm less prepared for it.  I don't have defenses up, or coping strategies.  And that results in an emotionally draining and difficult time for this momma, not to mention to sadness and confusion and disappointment for my boy.

Today was such a day.  

The local (well, sort of local, it's about 50 minutes away) IKEA has a childcare playplace--maybe all of them do?--which allows you to drop off your children for an hour while you shop and they have a fabulous time.  Of course, there are restrictions--children have to be between 36 and 54 inches tall (or something like that), they have to be toilet-trained, and they have to be able to follow instructions.  It's a super fun place, and my older two have been regaling the younger boys with tales of the ball pit, and the swinging forest, and the movies, and the slide, and the general aura of fun and novelty in the "Småland" place.

As we prepare to build our house, Mema and I thought it would be fun to explore IKEA with an eye to our new needs.  Two of my sisters (LaDale, visiting from Colorado, and Telima) thought an outing would be fun.  Kay, my niece, is newly toilet-trained, as is Hebs.  What fun for them, to go to the playplace for the first time.  The only hitch was Gee--it would be really hard to let Hebs do something so fun, but not let Gee, the older brother, do the same.

Gee isn't, and won't be properly toilet-trained for a while.  A long while, if other children with spina bifida are any indication.  We are working on it, but it is a looooong process.  Rather than leave Gee out, my sister decided to call IKEA and find out if they have special accommodations for disabled children.  She spoke to a representative who informed her that disabled children, as long as they can remove their shoes (as all the children in Småland must), respond to instructions, and are the right height, are exempt from the toilet-trained rule.  Diapers or pull-ups are acceptable.

Great!  I finally felt comfortable enough to tell Gee and Hebs we were going to IKEA, and they would get to go into the playplace finally!  They were both suitably excited, and asked every ten minutes if it was time to leave yet.

We arrived at IKEA, removed everyone's shoes, filled out the paperwork, and waited for the Småland to open.  Gee kept talking about the ball pit, and Zee was thrilled to be able to show Gee around.  Finally, it was time!  We moved up to the counter and began getting wristbands and name stickers.  I mentioned to the employee that one of my sons is disabled, and wearing a diaper, but that he was totally checked out with the requirements.  

And that is when everything came to a screeching stop.

"Oh, he can't come in, then," the girl said.  "No diapers are allowed."

"Actually, we called ahead of time and we were told it was okay, so long as all the other requirements were met..."

She started shaking her head before I finished.  "No, I'm sorry, the rule is no diapers.  At all."  Her co-worker agreed.

I began to feel a little frustrated, but, honestly, I didn't expect them to know all the ins and outs of the policies.  "Could you ask a manager for me?  Because we did call and speak to an IKEA representative."

She quite happily did so.  It took some time, because the first two people she called were not at work today.  Meanwhile the line behind me grew longer.  Finally, she returned.

"I spoke to one of our managers, and we are very sorry, but the rule is no diapers.  I'm really sorry, he can't come in.  I can have him come down and talk to you, if you want."

Keep in mind, my children and niece (and my mother) were all gathered around me.  The children were not paying attention to the adult conversation--they were bouncing up and down, excited to be so close.  Gee kept tugging on my hand, asking when they would open the little door.

For a split second, I wanted to snatch the paperwork back from her, take the shoe-filled box, and tell her, "Then I guess IKEA doesn't need my money."  (Well, to be honest, they don't.)  But I knew I shouldn't, because Kay had worked hard to "earn" this outing, and the other kids shouldn't have to miss out, either. Blinking back tears, I turned to Mema.  "Will you get the other kids signed in?" I pulled Gee's DAFOs (his braces) and shoes out of the basket and took Gee's hand.  "Come with me, bud."

We walked over to the big window, across the big lobby from the Smaland entrance.  

"Momma, why are we walking over here?  Where are we going?  I want to go with Zee."

I didn't know how to tell him.  I was trying really hard not to cry myself, so I just said, "Gee, it turns out...you aren't going to get to go into the playplace.  I'm really sorry, but they won't let you in because you have to wear diapers."

His face just crumpled, and he started to bawl and bawl.  I scooped him up and cuddled and whispered and cried a little, myself.  I told him that someone had made a mistake, and that I would try to figure it out, but that he didn't get to go in today.  

After about five minutes of crying (some of it was loud, but I wasn't really feeling like I needed to keep him quiet, if you know what I mean.  I was NOT feeling especially charitable toward IKEA right then.), he gradually calmed down.  I told him he got to come with me and Yummy, and Grandma and Aunt LaDale, etc, and that we were going to explore upstairs.  He let me put him down, and while Grandma helped him get his DAFOs and shoes on, I went back over to Småland.  

"I would like to talk to a manager, if you wouldn't mind." Intellectually, I knew it wasn't those poor girls' fault that my boy was feeling rejected and crushed, so I tried very hard to be pleasant.  As she called the manager, she apologized once more.  I told her I understood that she had to go by what the policy said.

B., the manager, was properly apologetic about the mixed messages.  He told me that while he wasn't the manager in charge of the Småland area, he was familiar with the policies, and as far as he knew, there was no exception for the diaper rule.  I told him I was disappointed that we had troubled to call and get information, only to be told after making the 50 minute trip that we were misinformed. Would he be willing to find out exactly what went wrong?  

B said that customer service calls were all answered back east in a call center, instead of at the local store, even if you dialed the store's local number.  Perhaps policies were different according to which state, although he didn't think that was the case.  He asked for a bit of time to call the manager over the  Småland area, and then he would see what he could do to provide a bit of compensation for our trouble. That was fine with me, and I gave him my cell number.

About twenty minutes later, he found us up on the showroom floor.  (My cell doesn't get a very strong signal in IKEA, apparently.)  According to the Småland manager, the policy was nation-wide, and was a public health concern.  B said that the manager was very angry that we had been misinformed, and would definitely be taking the situation up with the call center.  He offered us several vouchers for free meals and frozen yogurt, which I accepted.  I also asked for and received his email address, so that I could follow up if necessary.

The whole mess left me drained and crabby, but I tried my best to make sure Gee had a great time.  He seemed pretty happy until we were leaving.  Then, suddenly, he began to cry.

"But...but...I was going to go into the ball pit!  I didn't get to go into the ball pit yet!"

Oh, my heart just broke into a million little pieces.  Apparently he thought that I was going to be able to fix everything, and he'd still get to go to the playplace today.  I loved and cuddled and whispered to him, but it wasn't pleasant.  Eventually, Zee cheered him up with promises of favorite computer games and fun, and we made it out to the van.

We stopped to eat lunch with Daddy, and while the kids drank apple juice and ate pizza, Bradley and I discussed our next step.  Such a national policy seems wrong, and possibly against ADA laws, although the wording of the pertinent section was ambiguous.  We resolved to write a short (much shorter than this blog post, that's for sure) to the local store head manager, and then take it from there.  But first I would try to recreate Telima's phone call, and see if I got the same answer.

When we got home, I set the kids to watching shows, and made my call.  After being on hold for fifteen minutes, I reached T., a very helpful gentleman in a call center back east.  I asked him for the policy, and I was surprised but, somehow, NOT surprised when he told me...exactly what Telima had been told.  There was no barrier to entry for disabled children who are not toilet-trained.

I asked him to send me an email with the policy attached, and he quickly did so.  He offered to call Draper IKEA and talk to them so Gee could get in, but then realized I was no longer there.  He apologized several times, and was a right pleasant man to work with.  (Actually, everyone was.  Confused, some of them, but very pleasant.)

So that's where we are right now.  The policy, for those who care, is as follows (emphasis added):

Småland is located at the main entrance of the store. There are no exceptions to the rules of admission. The child must be between 37" to 54 " in height and the child MUST be potty trained, no pull ups are allowed. Socks must be worn. Same parent must sign the child in and out and must have ID present. Playtime is limited to 1 hour and on a first come, first serve basis. IKEA Family members get an extra 30 minutes! (capacity-depending) No food products are allowed inside the Småland area.

Children with disabilities are welcome in Småland as long as they meet the Småland requirements. They are however exempt from the toilet training requirement and may be admitted into Småland with the use of a diaper or pull-up. A child with any limitations must be able to function in the area independent of direct supervision and must be able to respond to instruction. Please be aware that Service Animals are permitted in Småland. See Handicap Services above for more info!

What my next step?  Well, I'm going to write that email to the head manager.  It sounds like there has been a misunderstanding about national policies, and maybe just bringing this to his/her attention will get it straightened out. If it isn't a misunderstanding...well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

And, if we can get all this figured out, maybe sometime next week we can take Gee to Småland, and erase the disappointment of today.