Telima, you two need to get some new hobbies

You're gone from Utah Valley for less than a month, and see what happens?

(Incidentally, robbing a Subway and a Payless? You could have at least robbed a Zales or Tiffany's or something!)

Religious Survey Brag

The Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life just released the results on a survey of religious knowledge. As the Deseret News reports:

On the average, Americans correctly answered only half of the 32 questions on the full survey conducted Pew's Forum on Religion and Public Life.

Jews and Mormons were the highest-performing religious groups on the survey, scoring 20.5 and 20.3 answers, respectively.

But it doesn't take a person of faith to be knowledgeable about faith, since self-claimed atheists and agnostics averaged 20.9 correct answers on the 32-question poll.

You can take an abbreviated version (15 questions) of the survey here.

How did you* do?

*(clears throat modestly) I got all 15 answers correct. I freely admit that I guessed on the last question, though.

"Safe" Counsel

Many years ago, my mother was helping an older woman in our neighborhood clear out her garage. Among the trunks of clothes and piles of furniture, she found a box of old books. The neighbor, knowing my mother had several avid readers at home, offered the box to my mother.

Most of the books inside were junk, but there were a few gems. This book was the pick of the litter. (Ha, ha, ha! Just a little eugenics humor, there.)

The cover of this book, published in 1919 by J.L. Nichols & Co, proclaims "Safe Counsel". The title page, however, has a more grandiose name:

"Searchlights on Health: The Science of Eugenics. A Guide to Purity and Physical Manhood. Advice to Maiden, Wife, and Mother. Love, Courtship, and Marriage."

This book is charmingly illustrated, as demonstrated below:

(Sorry, but that Guardian Angel is a FAIL. Look at those kids, cheerfully picking flowers right at the cliff's edge! Junior is one step away from a long drop. Shouldn't she be in front of them or something? And what's with picking flowers there, anyway? Couldn't she direct them to a nice meadow, thereby alleviating the need for rescue?)

Of course, most of the book is complete and total rubbish, but there are a few gems. One of my favorites:

(click on the image to enlarge it)

From the list of "Advice to the Married and Unmarried", number 9.

Do Not Marry a Man With a Low, Flat Head; for, however fascinating, genteel, polite, tender, plausible or winning he may be, you will repent the day of your espousal

Well, then. What more do you need to know?

I scanned several pages of this book recently; when I get a chance I'll post some of the more hilarious entries. (For example, there is one on Mormons that is just pricelessly bizarre.) And there is a copy of this book on Project Gutenburg, too, for your own perusing pleasure.

Random Thoughts for a Monday Morning

• Who knew you use the inside of your middle finger so much? I cut my left middle finger pretty bad yesterday while making dinner (dang can of green beans), and while it isn't even close to needing stitches, it hurts like the devil and I keep trying to use the finger. I never realized what a useful finger it is!

• Em might be allergic to bananas! How odd. Up until yesterday afternoon she could eat three and four bananas in one sitting if I let her. (Which I try not to.) But yesterday she ate a banana and the roof of her mouth hurt so bad, she was practically crying. Weird. However, she also spent most of the morning vomiting with the six-hour-stomach flu (Zee had it on Friday), so maybe the roof of her mouth was extra sensitive. We'll test it later in the week and see what happens.

• I went to Gee's school on Thursday and was very reassured about the classroom, the teachers, and the therapists. Whew. Now I can send him off without worrying. The PTs will jot down notes every week for me, so I can work on the same types of things at home. Yay!

• My husband makes some rocking wheat bread. Just saying.

• I love it when a plan comes together! (Name that show) I have a shelf where I put single socks, hoping that through the next iteration of laundry their mates will appear. Just now I perfectly matched all but two! (Yes, it is a pathetic accomplishment. I have a simple life, okay?)
  

• Don't let your dog poop on my lawn. Whoever you are, just don't, okay?
  

• Mimi is seven weeks old today! How can that possibly be? She might also be sensitive to my eating chocolate, which is exceedingly sad news if it turns out to be true. On the one hand, slightly gassy baby. On the other, no chocolate? Decisions, decisions...

A Small and Simple Talk

Our ward's RS presidency was asked to speak in sacrament meeting today. We were only given six days notice, and because my brain is like a sieve these days, for the first two days I completely forgot. Fortunately Heavenly Father has mercy on frazzled mothers of four kids and a newborn, because I found this to be one of easiest and most enjoyable talks to prepare.

(It was also my expand-o-talk--I had a three-minute version, a six-minute version, and a ten-minute version. You see, with four adult women speakers (I was third) and a choir number, I knew that the stated 10 minutes per talk was pushing it. Sure enough, when I rose to speak, there were 12 minutes remaining before the usual time for the closing song. So this is my six-minute version.)

I love President Monson. In the September 1997 Ensign, he shares a story about a stake priesthood leadership meeting he attended with another GA, named President Child. When it was Pres. Child’s turn to speak, he stepped off the stand and stood among the priesthood brethren.

Now, in President Monson’s words:

“What is the worth of a human soul?” He avoided calling on a bishop, stake president, or high councilor for a response. Instead, he selected the president of an elders quorum—a brother who had been a bit drowsy and had missed the significance of the question.

The startled man responded: “Brother Child, could you please repeat the question?” The question was repeated: “What is the worth of a human soul?” I knew President Child’s style. I prayed fervently for that quorum president. He remained silent for what seemed like an eternity and then declared, “Brother Child, the worth of a human soul is its capacity to become like God.”

All present pondered that reply. Brother Child returned to the stand, leaned over to me, and said, “A profound reply; a profound reply!”

It is no small thing to ask us—mortals—to become like God. In fact, it’s a pretty big, overwhelming thing. But as Alma says in chapter 37, verse 6, “…but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass…”

My grandfather taught me this principle by his example. He was a man who loved hiking. Hiking was his favorite form of exercise, and his favorite way to spend time with his grandchildren.

On these hikes, his motto was: “One Step at a Time”. You know how children ask “Are we there yet?” on long car trips? We grandchildren were no different on these day-long hikes. “How many miles left, Grandpa?” “One step at a time, kids.” We weren’t even supposed to ask other hikers we passed on the trail. “One step at a time.”

At the time, I found this mantra somewhat irritating. Why couldn’t I know how much farther we had to go? But my Grandpa was a wise man. When an 11-year-old girl is faced with a 14-mile-round-trip hike, it is easy for her to get overwhelmed. Instead of focusing on the seemingly impossible goal, it was, “One step at a time, Keryn. Put one foot forward, now the next. The end will take care of itself.”

The small and simple things of the gospel will strengthen our testimonies. My friend Tracy is an adult convert to the church. As a young mother, she had an intense spiritual experience that left her with a sure knowledge of God’s existence. She then began exploring churches to discover what God’s plan for her was.

While attending an LDS meeting on Sunday, she was given the Gospel Principles manual. Late that night, she idly flipped through it, and then decided to start reading.

It took six chapters before she was converted.

In her words:

“Chapter 2 talks about spirit life…We were all someone before we came here… Now this was good stuff- and it was nothing I had heard anywhere else. These were not amorphous answers about mystery and clouds- and something inside me was lighting up. Whoa! Hey! God wants me to learn and progress? That means there is not some end-game where I hang out with a harp for eternity… something I had not heard outside of eastern faiths, which I had also tried.

Chapter 3 introduces the idea that the Savior is my brother, and that he chose, of his own will, to come to earth and perform the Atonement…Chapter 4 introduces agency:

“Thou mayest choose for thyself, for it is given unto thee” Moses 3:17

This was the first time I had read about choice and temptation being good things for us- that we had chosen this path, and not been unwilling pawns of a basic disaster. Now I was up and pacing the living room, the cover folded back on the book as I kept reading.

Then, in chapter 5, the doozy: “Worlds without number have I created; . . . and by the Son I created them, which is mine Only Begotten” (Moses 1:33). Whoa! Wait a minute- this was theology and cosmology that answers my questions about science and the universe and other worlds…This was filling in gaps faster than I could read, and answering questions I’d held most of my life.

The kicker came in chapter 6. The traditional Christian narrative of Adam and Eve had always sat just slightly askance with me, particularly the idea of a God who would allow his one world to be screwed up forever by a hapless accident. And here in the LDS narrative, we have Eve being beguiled, and then she and Adam making a choice, for the benefit of mankind…

I woke my husband up and read him all of chapters five and six.

And that was it. I went to church the next Sunday and asked to be baptized.

The small and simple doctrines of the gospel created a foundation for Tracy’s testimony that will lead her to exaltation, to becoming like God.

There are things we must do to change the “natural man” in each of us to become Godlike. Instead of becoming overwhelmed and giving up, let’s just take one small step at a time.

Just pick one small thing to improve, to work on. Maybe it will be morning prayer. Maybe it will be temple attendance. For our family, it is scripture reading. As a ward we are trying to read the Book of Mormon this school year. Because our family is young and rambunctious, we have decided to take the small step of reading one verse from that day’s chapter. It’s a VERY small thing, and sometimes we just read the verse, say the prayers, and get in bed already! But sometimes it has led to sweet gospel discussion that can strengthen us on our journey to exaltation.

By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.

At least he doesn't bite

Gee just walked up to me with his face all screwed up in a "scary" expression. "Make the scary doggy go away, Momma! Ruff-RUFF!"

Perplexed, I just looked at him. He scrunched his face even more tightly and demanded, "Make me go away, Momma! Ruff-ruff-RUFF!"

I waved my hand. "Shoo, scary dog!"

He spun around and hurried away.

Two seconds later he was back. "I a GOOD doggy now, Momma. PET ME!"

Of course I obliged.

This is why I don't need a pet. I already have one.*

*Or two or three, depending on the day. Once Em, Gee, and Hebs were all doggies or kitties, switching between species with wild abandon, and scolding me when I got mixed up.

Waiter, can you top off this sippy cup?

My brother's son K. is autistic, with a speech disorder (apraxia) thrown in for good measure. He is in kindergarten and doing marvelously well, thanks in large part to all the work my sister-in-law has done with him previously.

In the past, K. has used sign language to communicate. However, the school district recently ordered some kind of language computer/speech doohickey for him. It arrived yesterday. (Apparently, it is so way awesome cool, his older brother wants one, too. Considering they are $7000 a pop, as Samuel says, "I don't think we will get [big brother] one.")

K. has been showing off by having the device say "I want..." and then choosing from the myriad of beverage options available to him, even if he's not thirsty. I can understand "milk", "soda", "water", "iced tea", etc. But I'm a little concerned about the availability of "beer" and "wine".

Hopefully they won't let him do the ordering at the restaurant anytime soon.

(In other news, Em is currently sitting in her darkened room, playing with her animals. Apparently they are doing some traveling, because the stuffed cat is in Africa, the bear is in Europe, and the puppy is in...wait for it...Pangaea. Oh, how I love having children to corrupt teach geology to!)