Things I wish I'd done while teaching Geology 1010

Fun things for professors to do on the first day of class (by Alan Meiss):

• Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
• After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
• Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk".
• Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
• Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
• Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
• Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
• Ask for a volunteer for a demonstrations. Ask them to fill our a waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.
• Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.
• After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream, "MY PACEMAKER"

(Taken from one of those marvelous forwards from the late 90s, when email was fresh and amazing. I'm cleaning out my files, what can I say?)