Milk and Uranium

Some people have too much time on their hands. And some people have more talent than they know what to do with.

Take, for example, the reviews at Amazon.com for this product: Tuscan Whole Milk

After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.

One should not be intimidated by Tuscan Whole Milk. Nor should one prejudge, despite the fact that Tuscan is non-vintage and comes in such large containers. Do not be fooled: this is not a jug milk. I always find it important to taste milk using high-quality stemware -- this is milk deserving of something better than a Flintstones plastic tumbler. One should pour just a small dollop and swirl it in the glass -- note the coating and look for clots or discoloration. And the color -- it should be opaque, and very, very white.

This milk worked well when I first got it, but within a few days it wouldn't hold a charge. I called their customer service department and, I don't know if it's in Bangalor or Ireland, but I couldn't understand a word that they said and they began to scream at me.

And then, of course, the reviews for a small tin of uranium ore:

The quality of this Uranium is on par with the stuff I was buying from the Libyans over at the mall parking lot, but at half the price!

After laying out extensive amounts of cash for centrifuges and the attendant bribes for UN observers to have a severe case of blepharospasm when it came to my activities, I purchased one metric hundred tons (about 100,000,000 cans) of this ore, my previous source of yellowcake having mysteriously dried up....And in case you find yourself in my position, I can confidently report that Duncan Hines Classic Yellow Cake Mix is also a completely inadequate raw material for the same project. Not to mention the mess it makes in the centrifuges. I will be reviewing that later.

I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.

I recommend that, if you have a little time and need a little laugh, go read some of these reviews. They are hilarious.