Aspiring to become

How often have you heard that women are nurturing? Compassionate? Spiritually in tune? Patient? Sweet? It's a pretty common theme, especially in the church. We hear it from general authorities, local authorities, our own Relief Society teachers. And it is nice to hear, sometimes. But occasionally I worry that these remarks have the opposite effect than that which is intended.

In the book NutureShock, the authors cite research studying the effect of praise on fifth grade students. In a nutshell, the children who were told they were "smart" were less likely to work hard and tackle difficult subjects, while the children who were told they were "hard workers" were more willing to try harder tasks. Apparently, the "smart" children considered their intelligence innate, while the "hard worker" children considered their (equal) intelligence something they could improve.

If you are told that women, as a gender, are patient, kind, loving, and spiritually superior, and you are feeling anything but those things, it can be pretty disheartening. And putting the emphasis on what women are rather than what they can become is extremely limiting. If you aren't already those things, what's the point of even trying? If these talents are supposed to be innate, then obviously you are a failure.

The opposite is also true. Once you start focusing on what you can become, the only limits are the ones you place upon yourself. If I want to become more nurturing, more maternal, more loving-patient-kind-sweet, Christlike--I can. I just have to work harder. And the Lord will help me, because this is what he wants me to become.

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(This was the basic gist of my Relief Society lesson today.)